Back To Reality

Well, my mom died July 5th and we had her memorial service on the 8th. Then my sister-in-law and nephew returned to England on the 10th and my brother followed on the 12th. I returned to work this week on the 14th and it all seems so surreal. I feel like someone else is in my body controlling my movements. I feel like an outsider looking in and wondering when I will feel "normal" again.

I didn't think I would have a hard time with my mom gone because when she was here all I wanted was for her to leave me alone. She would call almost everyday to see what the boys and I were doing for dinner and now of course she doesn't call, for anything.

My brother has called me several times and told me it is okay to grieve and to grieve for as long as we need too. I think I am might be in the anger stage because it seems so unfair that my mom won't get to enjoy retirement or spend any of the Social Security money she worked so long and hard to earn.

I'm not really questioning my faith, or my mom's, I know she is in heaven and I know this is God's will and His timing. It's not for me to question, but rather to trust. And I will get there eventually, but I just am having a harder time than I thought I would.

I'm grateful to my many wonderful friends who support me. I would be lost without you all. Keep us in your prayers please, I think the boys and I are still adjusting to life without "Nana".

I did want to mention two good things that have come from this:

1. I reconciled with my half-sister Sara. Most of you know she lived with me for a while until she made a terrible decision to purchase alcohol for Matt and his friends. That was two years ago, almost to the day my mom got sick. But now she is living with our other sister, Carey, and has saved some money and holding down a good steady job. She's really gotten herself together and I am very proud of her.


2. I got to spend good quality time with my brother, Chris and his wife and son, Caitriona and Harry. It's possible I have the most amazing sister-in-law on the planet and certainly one of the cutest nephews ever (see picture with Matt & Andrew). I've never really spent time with my brother or discussed in depth anything, but now I have a much greater respect for him as an adult, a husband and a father. My brother and his family are a class act!

So, that's all for now. Guess I need to get on with writing all the thank you notes I have piled up here. For those reading this, THANK YOU!