Political Correctness

In thus an election year, I thought it best for me to post some important information on political correctness. So relax and take a break from deciding if you should "go bitch" or "go black" (sorry for the language but I so loved hearing that on Saturday Night Live - I nearly shot diet coke out of my nose) and be either entertained or chagrined by the following tips:

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN'.
She is not a 'DUMB BLOND' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'
She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'
She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITY IMPAIRED.'
She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY' - She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED'
She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.'
She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'
He is not a 'BAD DANCER' – He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'
He is not ' BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.'
He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes 'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.'
He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has 'SWINE EMPATHY'
He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.'
He does not show his 'CRACK' – He has 'REAR CLEAVAGE'